I keep forgetting this account exists - I opened it during one LJ purge or other, but I don't tend to use it... so here's my question - if a blogger blogs at Insane Journal, is there anyone around to read it?

Is there anyone here? Do I keep this, and try to remember to post here as well as LJ and Dreamwidth?

HELLLLOOOOOOOOO??

This is my first actual entry into this journal. I've set this up as a backup to the Live Journal (insanityoutlet.livejournal.com). I have no doubt that one of them will eventually be abandoned, but for now, I'll continue with both, and I'll even update.

Until I get used to yet another interface (I never thought I'd be nostalgic for the damned Camel book) it'll be damned boring here.

Cheers

A good friend lost her father last night.   That brings the yearly total of people close to me who have lost someone up to 4 - not counting my kids Grandfather.

That's been since April.

As I was driving home last night - well actually around 2 this morning - after taking Rose home to her family, I had two thoughts.

One - I don't want to do this any more this year.  I've been in a situation where I've had **conflicting*** funerals !!  I'm sorry, that's beyond insane.

The second thought - thank whatever deity you chose to believe in for Tim Hortons.   Even if the one I stopped in this morning (in your town Wolfling - which one you at?) didn't have an especially well tended bathroom.

I don't even know what day it is anymore.

What is it about me that seems to bring out the judgemental side of people? 

I reached the point where I simply couldn't stand it any more. I am not being even a little bit factitious when I say I was close to putting someone through a wall.  The line that you're not supposed to cross was somewhere behind me.

So, I called a friend, and basically ran away for awhile.   It helped, it did what I hoped it would, so all in all I consider it a success.

No, none of my problems had magically vanished while I was away, but I never expected them to.  I wasn't running away from them, I was simply trying to catch my breath.  

What exactly is wrong with that?  No, I couldn't "afford" it either financially or physically, but I really couldn't afford not to do it either. So I did it.  I spent more money that I thought, but who cares?  The bills still got paid, the mtg was covered, as were my children and my mother, and the only person who gave anything up was me - my only luxury, my nod to vanity, is my artificial nails - and they're gone.  That money will be used to cover the extra I put on the Visa.

So enough with the guilt already.  People who I think of as friends are just heaping it on.  I'm abusing my credit cards, I'm wasting money, I'm taking away from my kids.  I'm teaching my kids it's alright to run away from my problems (it was six fucking days out of the last twenty god damned years).

Maybe if I'd just gone camping - but I also spend money on outdoor furniture.

Is it really wrong of me to want patio furniture?  I like to sit outside,  I find it relaxing, I love to watch the sunset, and I love to have my tea early in the morning and watch it rise before I  deal with life.

//sigh//

I went to Bancroft.  I used to go there with my parents when I was a kid.  It's both good and bad memories - my parents didn't really have a healthy relationship, but they managed to not have screaming matches in campgrounds.    This time, I was driving, so I got to visit the places I wanted to.    I want to do it again too.... there are a few places I'd like to visit and lay to rest a few ghosts.  

I did some writing (more of that on a Friends Only posting to follow), got eaten by Mosquitoes, discovered that Fireflies are hilarious, worried about my friend (who is a lot more phobic than I realised - sorry about that hon. next time I'll take it into account - assuming you ever go outside with me again), and slept like the dead.

I discovered I still love camping; hailstones not withstanding.    

I want to do it again.  Hell, if there are a few Ontario (or willing to travel) based sibs who want to have the worlds strangest MiniCon I'm willing to abuse my Visa card and book the Provincial Park campsites.  My tent sleeps up to eight (HA), depending on how friendly they are.

Oh, and I cook too.  If you bring it, I will sauté.

So, I came home. My kids didn't miss me.  Toevin did, but he's like that.  My house was still standing, and my mother was still alive.   She realised I was gone, and when I told her where I was she asked me if I'd brought her  a chunk of Sodalite.   I was pleased and surprised;  she's not been that with us for a while now.  (She also told me that she was very worried about my 1stborn joining the FBI while I was gone). 

So, since I'm too damned nice to say it to peoples' face, I'll say it here:  Lay Off. 

Unless you honestly  believe I really am less worthy of a break than the rest you are.

Update:

TPTB claim that cooler (ie thinking) heads have prevailed, and that the fandom community is "safe"... we'll see. I will keep this journal locked for the time being, and keep the blogger one as the public only access.

"The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion..." --
Treaty with Tripoli, passed unanimously by the senate,
signed by President John Adams on June 10, 1797

I must preface this by stating I am not an American, nor do I live within the borders of the United States.  I do however choose to work, and in the case of this journal, play, within an "agency" that is  an American based company.   This latest "witch hunt" has caused me to rethink a couple of things.

First,  this will very likely be my last Public entry - I will however, be updating it, as relevant information becomes available.

While I will be the first to agree that something needs to be done about the rampant use of the web to promote and allow easy access for Paedophiles, I am more than a little angry that once again, freedom of speech is the first victim.

Zealots, even when I am sympathetic to their cause, make me both angry and nervous. The slope is not only slippery, it's not very steep.

This journal is now locked. All of it. If you've been reading it and don't have an account, or if you've not been friended... sorry.  I've also removed my profile, and my interests from public viewing.

If you wish to be friended, just send me a copy of your FBI/CSIS/MI6 file that guarantees me you are not an enemy of "The State".

Interesting links:

http://www.livejournal.com/ ; for 6Apart's "fix"

http://community.livejournal.com/dark_christian/830650.html
gives an interesting view on the xenophobic wingnut who claim to have started it all.
Warriors of Innocence may be warriors, but they are by no means innocent.  DO NOT GO TO THEIR WEBSITE (unless you have a firewall Neo couldn't break). 

I personally believe them to be one step away from becoming full blown terrorists.

Further to this: I will be starting a public blog, that will be for anything not fandom or sylum. I will continue to post here as well.